Vancouver Officiant Blog

Your groom is unique. He deserves a unique suit made custom for him. Click the link in my profile to see how he can get his suit for free.


#Repost @andrealb24 with @repostapp. ・・・ Best wedding officiant EVER Darian Kovacs. @vanofficiant as seen in @wedluxe . #greatgatsbywedding #weddingofficiant


Click the link in my profile to see how you can get a free suit from @indochino


Such a great idea for weddings


#Repost @smitten_events with @repostapp. ・・・ We did it...They did it!! Congrats to our Pop Up Wedding couple M+M ❤️ @popupweddingshoppe


My fancy pants booth at the @brockhouseshow with @dreamgroupplanners


Relaxed, professional, personal and fun are good recipes to a ceremony you want to be at.


See you there at the @dreamgroupplanners @brockhouseshow


I'm so stoked for @dreamgroupplanners @brockhouseshow tomorrow with so many friends and my special wedding family


Great Gatsby wedding


@hawksworthrest wedding


@vanaqua wedding


Old school Marriage Certificate. So beautiful compared to the ones today.


Wedding legalization on the dock.


Alternative unity sand ceremony: a couple did rye with a mixer. Shook then up and poured "unity shots"


Unity sand ceremony with a champagne toast to kick off the newly married bride and groom.


Hanging with Monte from Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta at the @itsmywedfv show




Come on down to @fvTradex today in @tourismAbby for the @itsmywedFV show to win a Cinderella wedding dress.


Who's at the @bcweddingshows show next weekend at the @westinbayshore ?!



Marriage Commissioner or Justice of the Peace

What is the difference between a Vancouver Marriage Commissioner, Vancouver Justice of the Peace and an Officiant?

I get asked that a lot.

Vancouver Marriage Commissioners and Vancouver JPs are the same thing pretty much. You really need to hire a Vancouver Marriage Commissioner and they often get called JPs.

An officiant is someone who is religiously ordained and can legally marry people but does non-religious ceremonies.

I hope that helps. 


Questions to Ask the Officiant, Marriage Commissioner or Justice of the Peace

You’re engaged!!! You’re over the moon excited and the plans are starting to fall into place but when it comes to the core of the celebration, the ceremony, who will marry you?

Let’s make sure you get the ceremony you want with these questions. I recommend you encourage the officiant to share their story so you can get a feel for who they are, their passion and their personality to make sure it’s a good fit.

1. Are you available on our wedding date?

2. How many weddings have you performed?

3. How many weddings do you perform in one day? Are we your only couple that day?

4. How long is the average ceremony?

5. Are you flexible with different religions/beliefs?

6. How long are you on site for our wedding?

7. Do you have a sample ceremony that we can review?

8. Can I have a friend marry us? If so, what is your involvement?

9. What must we say legally in the ceremony?

10. Do you do custom ceremonies?

11. What is included in your fee?

12. What is the process from signing the contract to the wedding date? How many meetings will we have to create the custom ceremony? Payment schedule? How many revisions do we get when creating the ceremony?

13. Where do you find your inspiration when customizing a ceremony for a couple?

14. How much say do we have in the creation of the ceremony?

15. Will you assist us when writing our personal vows?

16. What is your back up if you were unable to be there for our day?

17. In the event of a cancellation or date change, what is the next step?

18. What do you do when you arrive at the venue before the ceremony?

19. Will you make an announcement for unplugged ceremonies and/or cocktail hour to follow before the ceremony begins?

20. Are you present for the wedding rehearsal? What is involved with that?

21. What do you wear to the ceremony?

22. Do you require pre-marital counseling before you marry us?

A few questions to dive deeper and get to know your officiant better:

1. Are you married? Tell us about your ceremony.

2. Why did you become a marriage commissioner?

3. What was the most moving ceremony you performed?

4. What languages do you speak? (just in case)

5. What is the most challenging part of your job?

6. When meeting with a couple what is it that you look for?

7. What is your favourite part of the wedding?

8. Tell us the most unique wedding you were apart of and how you customized their ceremony for them.

9. What do you wish more couple knew about marriage commissioners?

10. What is the best review from a couple you’ve received to date?

I have had the pleasure of working with Darian and his passion for marriage is contagious. If you believe the ceremony is the core of your wedding day, like myself, then look no further. Darian will not only get to know you but he will share his story with you so not only do you get someone that gets you but you feel as if a friend is marrying you on your special day.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Xo Stephanie

Principal Planner |
Sweetheart Events

Stephanie Reitsma - Sweetheart Events


Who loves Cats?


So great seeing @photoboothvancouver at the #brockhouseweddingshow


One groom-to-be in a line of brides #brockhouseweddingshow


At the @dreamgroupplanners show. Includes a #weddingshowconcierge Every bride and groom and mother in law to be's dream. #brockhouseweddingshow #besocialandwin


@vancouverclub for #darrenwedsliza


Who's coming? @dreamgroupplanners @dreamgroup #brockhouseweddingshow


Beautiful bouquet




Love each other


@bigloveball showing up at most weddings. Great working with @filosophi


Wedding at the Cobalt last night. Shot from the crowd from a friendly guest.


@petite_pearl and the Owls


Marriage Commissioner in Langley, Vancouver, BC

Here's the details about booking a Marriage Commissioner. You got to this website on the Vital Statistics website to find the Marriage Commissioner in your city.

Marriage Commissioners in Vancouver
Marriage Commissioners in Langley 

Marriage Commissioner Fees

Marriage Commissioners are authorized to charge the following fees for solemnizing a marriage:

  • Base Civil Ceremony
  • $ 75.00

  • GST
  • $   3.75
    $ 78.75*

Additional Fees

$25 per hour, applied in 15 minute increments for time spent preparing the ceremony, meeting, rehearsal, travel time and performing the ceremony. (Additional fees apply only to time over and above one hour which is included in the base ceremony fee.)
  • Mileage                             $0.52 per kilometre
  • Parking or Ferry                (if applicable)
Marriage Commissioners will ask for all fees and provide a receipt prior to the marriage ceremony to avoid interruptions before or after the ceremony. However, the couple getting married will be responsible for any additional costs incurred due to any last minute changes.
* The base civil ceremony fee of $78.75 applies to civil marriage ceremonies which are organized and performed within one hour.
Please note that Marriage Commissioners are not authorized to provide wedding planning, coordinating or consultation services, which are provided by commercial vendors.

So good.


Wedding at @harthouserest today. Beautiful venue. Great staff.


I had share this photo. So cute.


Love me some outdoor chandeliers


Grouse Mountain Beaty with an amazing team.


Great day for a backyard wedding in Langley. Beautiful intimate event.


Love working with Jill Jonkman at @redwoodsgolf in #Langley BC


9 Places to Look for the Perfect Ceremony Passages

Your Own Story

Before delving into the wide world of possible readings, look to your own backgrounds and relationship first. Remember the time your fiance gave you a Pablo Neruda book for your birthday? Or did you meet in English class and read Pride and Prejudice together? Or maybe a Stevie Wonder song was playing in the restaurant when he proposed? Do some reminiscing -- the perfect passage might be right in front of you.

Scripture and Cultural Texts

Feel free to use ethnic or cultural readings that don't necessarily reflect your backgrounds -- what's important is that the words resonate with you. Some places to start: theDhammapada (Buddhist), the Song of Songs (Jewish), the Bible (Christian) and the I Ching(Chinese). Just make sure to explain the reading's source in the introduction or in your ceremony programs. And keep in mind that if you're having a religious ceremony, there may be certain requirements about or restrictions on what can be read.

Classic Poetry

Poems were practically made for wedding ceremonies, from Shakespeare's love sonnets and Elizabeth Barrett Browning's romantic verses to the works of more modern scribes like E.E. CummingsMaya AngelouWalt WhitmanNikki Giovanni and William Butler Yeats. If you can't decide between several short poems, consider having multiple readers recite them one after the other. Each person can introduce the next.


Browse books and short stories to find passages that remind you of love and your marriage. Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet is popular for weddings, as are classics by Jane Austen and Charlotte and Emily Bronte. But think beyond the obvious and consider modern authors you love. Maybe one of Jonathan Safran Foer's novels spoke to you, a passage written by Nicole Krauss really stuck with you, or you loved one of David Sedaris's funny yet touching essays.

Children's Books

Your favorite storybooks from childhood can actually be quite profound, given their audience. Excerpts from books by Dr. Seuss, Shel Silverstein, Maurice Sendak, Roald Dahl and other classic authors might surprise you with how romantic they can be. One idea we love: Have your seven-year-old cousin read the passage and there won't be a dry eye in the room.

Love Letters

Love letters penned by historical figures (like James Joyce's to his wife, Nora, or Simone de Beauvoir's to Jean-Paul Sartre, for example) can be especially moving. If you'll have two or more readings, ask one person to read from a love letter, and another reader to handle the response letter. And don't forget about your own ”love letters.” Search your email inbox for messages from when you first met or were falling in love. You may find sweet tidbits of old correspondence that chronicle your falling in love from a totally personal and unique angle.

Your Favorite Movies

If historical literature or old-world poetry just isn't your style, try drawing from romantic movie quotes: Billy Crystal's speech at the end of When Harry Met Sally, Tom Hanks's radio call from Sleepless in Seattle, Leonardo DiCaprio's conversations with Kate Winslet in Titanicand the first-person narration from The Notebook come to mind. Think beyond your typical romantic movies too. If you have a special, nontraditional film you both love -- maybe you always watch it together when one of you is sick -- check it for quotes too.

Song Lyrics

If you're more likely to have a list of favorite tunes than favorite sonnets, check your iPod for songs with romantic, readable lyrics. Some of our favorites? The Beatles' "In My Life," The Beach Boys' "God Only Knows," Van Morrison's "Someone Like You" and Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love."

Your Family

If you're looking for a way to honor a deceased or absent relative, reading from that person's favorite poems, books or passage of scripture is appropriate. Another touching option? Choosing excerpts from a meaningful book or letter written during their life. Maybe your grandmother kept a diary about her marriage and family life, or your favorite aunt read The Steadfast Tin Soldier to you when you were a kid.

Source: The Knot. com

Ambush Weddings: Newest Wedding Trend for 2014?

You've heard stories of celebrities flying their friends to exotic island vacations that are really for their secret destination wedding. While avoiding paparazzi is a great reason to have an "ambush wedding," there are equally great reasons for non-celebrities to surprise their friends.
Ambush weddings or "Trojan weddings" as they are sometimes called, also offer the following benefits:
a. Condensed timeline
A lot of what takes up wedding planning time is finding at least 10 types of wedding vendors, and coordinating with them and your bridal party. By keeping the affair simple, you cut down on the number of search and coordination.
b. Element of surprise and fun
Surprises are always good. What better way to make your wedding memorable and ensure everyone is in good spirits?
c. Excuse to do away with some expected wedding traditions
Because it is not a "traditional" wedding, you have much more leeway on what wedding traditions you want to keep.
d. No-stress guest list
Don't want to agonize over who to invite, sending invitations, and RSVPs? Invite as many people who are in town, and have someone manage the RSVP. Better yet, have a buffet to have more flexibility.
Of course, a surprise wedding is not for everyone. If you have a very clear vision of your wedding and actually do enjoy the planning process, then this option is not for you. If you also like travel and do not want to deal with orchestrating a surprise event, then eloping still remains a popular option for an intimate and easy affair.

Oh and by the way, if you're planning on ambushing, let your Officiant know ahead of time!

Source: The Knot. com

Wedding Ceremony: 10 Questions to Ask Your Wedding Civil Officiant

  1. Is the officiant available on your wedding date?
  2. Can the officiant travel to your chosen wedding site?
  3. If you don't have a site, can the officiant suggest one or provide a courthouse or meeting room?
  4. Does the officiant charge a standard fee? Is the fee a donation?
  5. How long has the officiant been performing weddings? Why does he/she do them?
  6. Does the officiant have sample wording/ceremonies/readings to show you?
  7. Will the officiant let you specify ceremony details such as music, readings, and vows? Can you include religious touches if desired?
  8. Is the officiant available for a ceremony rehearsal? 
  9. Does the officiant make you comfortable? Does he or she seem genuinely interested in you as a couple? Be sure you like and respect your officiant -- and that the feeling is mutual.
  10. Would the officiant (and his/her spouse) like to come to the reception and rehearsal dinner?

    Source: The Knot. com

6 Ways to Personalize Your Ceremony

Your ceremony is the most meaningful part of your wedding day. Depending on how traditional your ceremony will be, there are ways to personalize your nuptials to ensure that the experience feels true to you and your future spouse. Check out some of our favorite ways to personalize your wedding ceremony.
Check with your ceremony venue to see if you can incorporate non-classical music into your ceremony playlist. Whether it’s an instrumental version of your favorite pop ballad during the prelude or a cheeky pop tune as a recessional, selecting music that you love will give your ceremony a personal touch.
Depending on your ceremony traditions, you may be able to include a few readings into your ceremony. From Shakespeare to religious texts to more modern-day literature, pick a few passages that speak to you. You can ask close friends or family members who would feel comfortable speaking in front of a crowd to perform the readings.
Many couples prefer to write their own vows. Work with your officiant to come up with a general template to help you get started.
Include personal touches to your ceremony program. Design the program using colors and fonts that you like, and write a note thanking your guests for attending. 
Be sure to meet with your officiant several times before your ceremony. It’s important that your officiant gets to know you as a couple, so that he or she can create a ceremony that includes anecdotes and details about your relationship.
Incorporate flowers and other decor items that are meaningful to you - whether it's including your grandmother's favorite flower in your altar arrangements or including a family quilt in your chutzpah or ceremony canopy.

Source: The Knot. com

Get Ready for the New Year! The Hottest 2014 Wedding Trends

As 2013 comes to a close, the WeddingWire Editorial team is celebrating the launch of their WinterBook (yay!) and looking ahead to the upcoming wedding season. There are several wedding trends that started to emerge this year that we think are going to be big in 2014.

So to help you prepare for those 2014 couples, check out their list of 2014 wedding trends!
Metallic Color SchemesFrom wedding dresses to stationery, linens to cakes, expect to see a lot of gold and silver next year! We sawmetallic wedding dresses at New York Bridal Market, and think this trend will carry over into décor, as well.
Art DecoInspired by The Great Gatsby (both the book and the 2013 movie), we’re expecting to see lots of 1920s-era décor and themes in 2014.
Unique EntertainmentPhotobooths have been popular at weddings for a while now, but expect to other types of “alternative entertainment” next year. We’re thinking Slow-Motion Video Booths, I Spy or Mad Libs, lots of lawn games, and much more! Check out some of our favorite guest entertainment ideas here!
Halter Neckline Wedding DressesSee ya later, strapless! Halter necklines were all over the runways this season. It’s a great look for brides who want to show off some gorgeous shoulders.
Radiant OrchidPantone just announced the Color of the Year for 2014, and it’s Radiant Orchid – a pretty pinky-purple that is a beautiful hue for wedding décor. Purple was the hot hue a few years back, so is it making a comeback? We’ll soon find out!
Custom HashtagsGone are the days of placing disposable cameras on guest tables – now it’s all about the Instagram hashtag as a means of collecting guest photos! Couples are creating signs to inform guests of their Instagram hashtags (#nickandsara for example) so that all of the photos of their wedding will be easily accessed.
DahliasWe’re predicting that this beautiful bloom will be the hot flower for 2014. They come in a wide variety of colors and create such a lush, unique look!
“Naked” Wedding CakesWe’re not trying to be crass here, but wedding cakes without any icing are becoming a quite the trend for rustic, casual weddings.
Hanging DécorFrom lanterns to flowers to ribbons, crepe paper, even parasols – couples are clamoring for décor hanging from the ceiling! It’s a striking and dramatic look that turns the traditional centerpiece upside-down!
Bridesmaid Dress Color = MintPale green bridesmaid dresses were all over the runways at bridal market, so expect to see this minty fresh color at spring and summer weddings in 2014!
Kim Forrest is one of WeddingWire’s editors. She manages content creation on both WeddingWire and EventWire. Kim has been writing about weddings for nearly a decade, and has been quoted as a weddings expert in the New York Times, Washington Post, Slate, and more.

The Power of Monogamy: 10 Surprising Claims Regarding Modern Love

Never underestimate the power of someone who has your back: It’s the message in Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, the book by Ottawa clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson, slated for release on Dec. 31.

Her thesis, based on decades of neuroscience research into human emotion, is that just like the bond parents have with their offspring, monogamous love makes sense as a survival code.

“We’ve understood so much about the power of adult love relationships, how this emotional bond creates a safe haven for us in life, allows us to grow and function on an optimal level, as well as how emotional isolation and disconnection are extremely costly to us as a species,” Johnson said. (Johnson is a psychology professor at the University of Ottawa and founder of the not-for-profit organization the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy, which trains mental-health professionals – not to be confused with Toronto’s vibrator-waving sex educator Sue Johanson.)

Monogamy, she says, makes sense, and yet “there are so many forces pulling us away of being aware of relationships.” Among them are porn, a robust friends-with-benefits culture and attention-splicing technology, she says. Just as parenting has undergone a radical shift over just several generations, Johnson is hoping for an overhaul in the way North Americans think about love.
“In the last 40 years we’ve really started to understand exactly how much impact a parent can have on a child’s development,” she said. “The revolution that we went through in parenting, we have to go through it with romantic relationships.”
The Globe asked the author about 10 of her more surprising claims regarding modern love.
Our culture exalts independence even though it’s not natural
“We are supposed to live in a rich social environment, and part of it is long-term bonds with special people. It sometimes feels like modern society is just determined to forget this,” said Johnson, referring to the high rates of solo dwellers in North America. (Census figures released last fall showed that 27.6 per cent of Canadian homes have just one occupant, a massive shift from decades past.) “We don’t live in little villages any more. People now often depend on romantic love as their main source of social support.”
Romantic love is a bonding attachment like that of a mother and child’s
“We are not wired to face the perils and uncertainties of life by ourselves. Our brains are designed to use the people we love as physiological and emotional safety cues to make the world a safer place. What our society does with that is, as children we have parents, and then we have life partners as we get older. These are the bonds that we count on,” explained Johnson. “In that sense we never grow up.”
Emotional dependency is healthy, not ‘clingy’ and pathological
“Secure attachment – having one other person you can count on as an adult – is related to almost every index of good functioning, happiness and health,” says Johnson. She cites the physical and mental-health implications of social isolation and loneliness, from increased risk of anxiety, strokes and heart attacks to elevated heart rate and increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which impacts the immune system. “Having no one to confide in at all literally is going to stress your body out all to hell.” The caveat: “You don’t have to be glued to each other, that’s not healthy, but you have to be available.”
People are at their best when coupled up, not isolated
“It’s been shown in research but we know in our gut that with somebody valuing us, loving us, listening to us and supporting us, we are the best we can be then,” said the author. “We take risks, believe in ourselves and deal with problems better. If you’re securely connected you’re more assertive, more trusting, confiding … you’re better at dealing with ambiguity.”
Secure relationships breed independence
Beyond health, the benefits of monogamy extend to “emotional balance,” says Johnson. “The safer our relationships are, ironically, the more independent we can be. Closeness and independence are two sides of the same coin. They’re not opposed.”
Attachment styles can change, depending on their partner
“Yes, people can change,” says the psychologist. The thinking used to be that we receive a relationship template from our parents, a model we would then use our whole lives. Newer research suggests “we’re adaptable animals,” says Johnson. “If we have new experiences and we’re open to them, we can change our template.”
The novelty of open relationships is ‘overrated’
Friends-with-benefits relationships don’t “make sense” as a survival code, says Johnson. The trouble with polyamorous arrangements, she says, is they don’t fulfill the physiological bonding needs people have for “someone in the universe to depend on, who we come first with.”
Porn is a bad teacher
“People who don’t trust other people are into performance and sensation. The trouble with that is it’s endless: You need more and more performance and sensation because you’re emotionally numb,” said Johnson. “What we’re creating in our society is this empty, formulaic, going-through-the-motions sexuality. Porn is a lesson in how to be a really bad lover.”
Monogamy yields the best sex
“The people who have the best sex, enjoy it the most and have sex most often are people in long-term committed relationships,” says the author, citing the survey research of University of Chicago sociologist Edward Laumann, who found that monogamous couples were the cohort having the most sex, and so also the happiest with their sex lives.
Technology erodes our relationships
“Look at couples courting on dates: They’re on their little screens almost half of the time,” says Johnson. She argues that technology should be used as a tool, not a replacement for more intentional relationships. “What you don’t use you lose. Face-to-face conversation is an essential in human life. It’s not an incidental.”

Source: Zosia Bielski via The Global & Mail

Why I’m Getting A Divorce In 2014

Before you start assuming I will be leaving my wife, let me just tell you that’s just simply not the case. I’m looking to leave someone else. Someone you may not know about. Someone who takes up most of my time, distracts me from spending time with my wife, and even spends time with me during the late hours of the night.
Her name is iPhone 5. She’s extremely smart, funny, reliable, and keeps me up to date with all the latest trends. And although she’s always by my side, I can’t help but notice that she is keeping me from spending time with the people who matter most in my life: God, my wife, my family, and my dreams.

She’s really good at keeping my attention. So much so that I’ve been known to completely ignore people when they are trying to have a conversation with me. She tempts me to use her apps while at church, weddings and funerals, instead of enjoying the moment un-distracted. She even keeps me from working on personal projects that have strict dead-lines.
She’s extremely insensitive when it comes to my safety, and is always tempting me to be with her while I drive. I can’t help but notice she is slowly infecting my social life, my marriage, and the lives of those around me. Many people act like it’s no big deal, but I imagine the longer one ignores this issue, the worse one’s personal relationships will be affected in the long run.
We need to bring our phones back to being an accessory, not a priority.
2014 Challenge: Divorce your phone, your apps, your social-feeds, and engage in relationships with people that actually matter. Vow to spend a significant amount of time off your mobile-devices, unplugged, and instead get back to making personal relationships that will stand the test of time.
Other than God, my wife deserves to be the #1 priority in my life and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that. The reality is, we’re all married to our phones in one way or another.
Mind you. Not everyone struggles with this. But I hope you will take this into consideration regardless.

  1. Learn to balance the time you spend on your phone.
  1. Make your phone an accessory rather than a priority.
  1. Give yourself limitations as to when and where your phone can be used.
  1. Control how you use your phone, and stop allowing your phone to control you.
  1. Try spending parts of your weekends unplugged, offline, and away from your mobile device.

In 2014, I vow to divorce my phone. Will you join me? Share this with a friend, and let’s get the “Divorce Your Phone” movement going.

My name is Jarrid Wilson.  I am a Husband, Pastor, Author, Blogger. A gospel sharing misfit. I yearn to share Christ to the world.

Marriage Isn’t For You

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family. 

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

This post originally appeared on, a website dedicated to helping people move forward in life.

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